The ROOTS Method™ · by Hannah Kopen
FIND THE ROOT
A couples communication workbook for breaking the anxious-avoidant cycle and actually being found by each other.
Recognize · Orient · Open · Trace · Speak
Instant digital download · Use alone, together, or both
You are so not alone in this
You love each other.
So why does it still feel like this?
"We keep having the same fight and it never goes anywhere."
"I shut down completely. I don't even know why — I just go offline."
"I feel like I'm always chasing or always pulling away and I am exhausted."
"I love them so much. Why can't we just talk without it becoming a thing?"
"I don't know how to say what I need without it turning into a fight."
"I want to feel close. I just don't know how to get there from here."
If you read any of those and felt a little too seen — this workbook is for you.
"Beneath every fight is a feeling wanting to be felt.
This workbook will help you find it."
— Hannah Kopen
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THE FRAMEWORK
The ROOTS Method™
Most communication tools skip the most important step: your nervous system. When you're activated, the thinking brain goes offline — and no script or worksheet can fix a conversation you're not actually present for. The ROOTS Method starts in the body, because that's where conflict actually lives.
Recognize
Notice you've been activated. Your body caught it before your mind did — the tight chest, the held breath, the walls going up.
Orient
Ground yourself. Come back into your body before you try to speak. Regulation before conversation — always.
Open
Soften inward. Find the emotion beneath the defense. Beneath anger is almost always hurt. Beneath silence is almost always fear.
Trace
Follow the feeling back to its root. What old wound, what early story, is being touched right now in this moment?
Speak
From that rooted place, share your truth. Not the reaction. Not the armor. The root — the thing that actually needs to be heard
WHAT YOU’LL ACTUALLY WALK AWAY WITH
THIS IS WHAT CHANGES
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A name for what's happening
The anxious-avoidant dance explained in plain language. Finally understanding why you keep ending up in the same place — without blame.
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Regulation before conversation
Somatic grounding tools, the ROOTS Pause script, and a co-regulation practice you can do together — so conflict doesn't hijack your whole nervous system.
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Language beneath the armor
You'll finally be able to say the real thing. The scared thing. The tender thing you've been protecting behind anger or silence for years.
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A shared framework
A repeatable structure for hard conversations that both partners understand — so the next difficult moment has somewhere to go instead of nowhere.
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Compassion for the root
You'll trace your patterns to where they actually came from — not to stay there, but to stop being run by something you never consciously chose.
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A ritual to stay close
A simple weekly check-in practice to keep the connection alive — so you stop drifting and start choosing each other, week after week.
How to use it
Three ways in — all of them work.
No two relationships are in the same place. This workbook meets you wherever you are.
01
Together, side by side
Work through each module as a couple in real time. Vulnerable. Powerful. The closest thing to a guided couples session you can do at home on your own schedule.
02
Separately, then together
Each partner completes their own copy independently — then you bring your answers to the table. Perfect when one person is more ready than the other.
03
On your own
Every prompt works solo. If your partner isn't there yet, start without them. The work you do on yourself is never wasted in a relationship. It always finds its way there.
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What's inside
Six modules. 22+ exercises.
One real conversation waiting to happen.
Setting the Container — nervous system primer, individual snapshot questionnaire, somatic self-inventory, shared agreements page with signature lines
Recognize — the anxious-avoidant dance explained without blame, pursuer/withdrawer experience prompts, your activation map, shared "Our Cycle" worksheet
Orient — six grounding practices with instructions, personal regulation menu, the full ROOTS Pause script, 5-minute co-regulation practice to do together
Open — secondary vs. primary emotion framework, the somatic inquiry (sensation → feeling → story), expanded emotional vocabulary, vulnerable solo prompt
Trace — origin tracing, attachment story reflection, self-holding somatic practice, guided partner share structure
Speak — armor-to-root translation examples, the full ROOTS Conversation Template, needs and offers worksheet, weekly check-in ritual, closing letter to your partner
Quick-reference appendix — all five tools on a single page you can keep on your phone or fridge
WHY NOW
Here is what I know about the couples who don't do this work: they keep loving each other from behind a wall neither of them fully understands. The drift gets slower and quieter. And one day the distance that started in a Tuesday argument becomes a way of life.
Here is what I know about the couples who do: they still get triggered. They still have hard conversations. But they have somewhere to go when it happens. They have language for what's underneath. They have a way back to each other.
The work doesn't have to start perfectly. It just has to start.
Everything you need to begin.
You love each other.
So why does it still feel like this?
A somatic-first workbook using the ROOTS Method™ — for couples ready to break the cycle and actually be found by each other.
You know the loop. One of you reaches — pressing, needing, desperate for contact. The other one retreats — shutting down, going quiet, disappearing behind a wall neither of you built on purpose. And somewhere in the middle, you both end up more alone than before the conversation started.
You have probably had the same fight thirty times. The words might change. The entry point might shift. But the destination is always the same room: two people who love each other, not being able to reach each other.
That is not a character flaw. That is a pattern. And patterns, once seen clearly, can change.
Does this feel familiar?
"We keep having the same fight and it never goes anywhere."
"I shut down and I don't even know why. I just go offline."
"I feel like I'm always chasing or always pulling away and I'm exhausted."
"I love them so much. Why can't we just talk without it becoming a thing?"
If you read any of those and felt something in your chest — a little too seen, a little too known — this workbook is for you.
Three ways to use this workbook
Together, side by side
Work through each module together, doing the exercises in real time. Vulnerable. Powerful. The closest thing to a guided couples session you can do at home.
Alone, then together
Each partner completes their own copy independently — then you bring your answers to the table. This is the way for couples where one person is more ready than the other.
On your own
Every prompt works solo. If your partner isn't there yet, start without them. The work you do on yourself is never wasted in relationship. It always finds its way there.
Here is what I know about the couples who don't do this work: they keep loving each other from behind a wall neither of them fully understands. The drift gets slower and quieter. And one day the distance that started in a Tuesday argument becomes a way of life.
Here is what I know about the couples who do: they still have hard conversations. They still get triggered. But they have somewhere to go when it happens. They have language for what's underneath. They have a way back to each other.
The work doesn't have to start perfectly. It just has to start.
Your body already knows the answer.
Instant digital download · PDF · Print or fill digitally
—Full 6-module couples communication workbook
—22+ worksheets, reflections, and somatic practices
—The ROOTS Method™ framework in full
—ROOTS Pause script + co-regulation practice
—ROOTS Conversation Template
—Weekly check-in ritual to sustain connection
—Quick-reference appendix
—Works alone, together, or both
Already know you want the video course too? The Find the Root Course is coming soon.
Workbook buyers get first access and a founding member upgrade discount when it drops.
Meet the Founder
I'm a somatic and relationship coach, and I've spent the last several years studying what actually happens in the body during conflict — not just what we say, but what we feel before we've said anything at all.
The ROOTS Method™ came out of that work. It's what I teach my clients, it's what I use in my own relationships, and it's what I built this workbook around.
If you've ever felt like you love someone and still can't quite reach them — or be reached — I built this for you.
Hannah Kopen
Marriage & Family Therapist in Training · Somatic Practitioner · Embodiment Coach
Based in Whitefish, Montana · Sessions available online worldwide"You are not here to be perfect partners.
You are here to be real ones."
— Find the Root
Hannah Kopen · hannahkopen.co